Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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