we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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