Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
