He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
