Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
