they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
