how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
