What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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