Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
