Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
