I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He better not be in your backpack
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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