Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
