sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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