Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
