Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize