they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
