Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
