OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
