just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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