the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
