She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
