I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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