You really coming over, don't trick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
