I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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