Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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