Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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