She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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