So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
