So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
