Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Barsexuality is the new black.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
