I will die if light touches me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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