my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
