And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
