Nicole vs. Life
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
