If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
