She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she looked like the before picture.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
