I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
