They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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