official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
