dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
