You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
