the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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