saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Houston, we have a squirter
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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