I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
