There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
