a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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