I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
