Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The adults are the big ones right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize