worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
