fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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