Kiss
Puke
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
