We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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