the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize