why didn't you poke me back
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
