I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
