Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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