bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
