Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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