You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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