the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
