Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
