there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
