I hate all girls vehemently.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
