susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
