did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
