I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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