hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
